The impact of cancer in a family.

"Daddy, You finaly found your freedom. I know that you will look down on us as an angel. Rest in Peace". Love Jaimy

In May 1995, we lived in the Netherlands again after our ‘Switzerland adventure’ of 4 years, my husband got a aching throat. After being to the doctor he was send to the hospital for research, it was there he got the next information:” You can come back after 6 months when the symptoms are still there. We don’t have any indication something is wrong and the risk of cancer is only 10%.”

For a 2nd opinion he visited our homeopathic doctor in Breda and after an electroacupuncture he advised my husband: “Manage your own body ask for a biopsy, there are signs telling me it isn’t good!” So we did and in June everyone was shocked about the outcome: A very rare and malignant tumor at the thyroid! One month later he got operated, a surgery of 10 hours spread over 2 days, with the risk of bleeding to death while removing the lymph nodes along the arteries. Because of the loss of quality of life they saved the vocal cord and the facial nerve. It were nerve racking days, especially the removal of the lymph nodes asked for precision. We, his parents and I took a drink when everything turned out fine. During his recovery my husband suffered from an infection at his chest wound, an ugly scar remained. I admired him walking openly with this scar on his chest at the swimming pool.

Every time when they studied his blood levels and he got to know that the activity of the tumor was increased he felt depressed. He chose not to examine this as much as they wanted. Even doing an operation wasn’t an option anymore, he got traumatized by the first one! Also the question of how far to go removing tissue, organs, nerves en muscles, was a very realistic consideration. The use of regular medicines wasn’t an option, chemotherapy and radiation wouldn’t reduce the tumor, so we chose for the alternative/ complementary medicines and therapy.

Two years later, my husband was fulltime at work again, our daughter became blind by a tumor. There wasn’t any understanding at his work when he needed leave for the treatments of our daughter and her hospitalizatons. Eventually he got fired. He tried two other jobs for 9 and 6 months and didn’t succeed. He reported himself as ill and finally got incapacitated. He tried to hold on to life and made it bearable by attending some diets like Moerman and Houtsmuller, took JuicePlus (capsules with dried fruit and vegetables), got ozone injections from a natural doctor in Oosterhout and did processwork like The Journey. He felt mentally more at peace and freed from his negative memories in life.

Ten years later, he visited his internist, she was really stunned to see him in front of her with this big tumor inside his chest and metastases at his vertebral kolo. He tried a study at the Academic Hospital in Utrecht, they said it would be without any side effects, he was so in pain. While driving home from the treatment, he had to stop the car to recover before he was able to move on.

Sometimes we had conversations about the end of his life, what to do and how he wanted the cremation to be organized. He said:” When it is good for you and the kids, it is fine with me!” His biggest fear was to choke and have a lot of pain. At first he wanted an euthanisian, later on he didn’t. Our family doctor reassured that he didn’t have to  be in pain and surely he wouldn’t choke!

Two years later he died of a high dose of medicines, his colon perforated and he couldn’t stand the pain. In the beginning my hands reduced the pain, he had so much benefith from the healing energy through my hands, REIKI! The worst part at the day he died was to hear him scream during the scans and medical examinations. I heard it through the walls, terrible! A co assistant said:” We can do surgery even when his lungs are out of his body!” I was perplex and thought:” Does he know which medical history this patient has?” and told him:

“It’s enough, his life is over, he can’t take it anymore!”

After that a surgeon came in and said:” We won’t make your husband happy by operating him!” What a relieve to hear this.

After eight painful hours the application of morfine got increased, we chose passive sedetion. Just before installing the sleepmedication the kids came in. They had a short limit of time to say goodbye. He wished us a happy life and we kissed goodbye! That night he passed away, freed from his pain. We were happy he could let go the fight against his pain for 12 years and the deterioration of his body. It felt double, on one hand life could go on and on the other hand there was the missing of a companion  a dad for my kids.